by Gretchen Thornton | Jan 13, 2022
The Art of Effective Communication
SMART Couples Florida Celebration
Statewide Virtual Event
February 19, 2022
6:00 – 9:15 p.m. EST
Photo source: Victor Harris
It’s time to talk about love! Join us online for a night of real talk about building stronger relationships from marriage and family professionals across the nation. Learn how to improve your communication and keep the romance alive. Tickets available now!
Learn more here: https://smartcouples.ifas.ufl.edu/flcelebration/
by juliannes | Mar 1, 2017
We hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s Day last month and you had the opportunity to show a loved one that you care. But what about after Valentine’s Day?
Healthy communication is one way you can show loved ones, like your significant other, that you respect and value them on a daily basis.
According to the National Resource Center for Healthy Marriage and Families, healthy communication builds trust and friendship within your relationship. Healthy and effective communication also helps set realistic expectations. Unrealistic, unexpressed, and unfulfilled expectations are often the greatest source of unhappiness in a relationship.
So what makes communication healthy?
Dr. Victor Harris, UF Family and Youth Development Specialist, and Dr. Charlotte Olsen, Kansas State University Family Systems Specialist, have a few tips for healthy communication.
- Be clear, concise, and straight forward. If others can’t depend on you to tell them the truth, it damages trust in the relationship. If you think you will have trouble talking about a difficult topic with your partner, consider trying to write it down first to help figure out the best way to say things.
- Just the right amount of information. Think about the age and emotional state of the person you’re sharing with and share what they can process without being overwhelmed.
- Timing is everything. Be sensitive about when or when not to have certain conversations. If someone is sad, angry, tired, or stressed, that might not be the best time to talk about a sensitive subject. Set a time and place to discuss and opt for a “soft start,” using “I” rather than “You” messages that suggest blame.
- Listen silently. Listen silently without interrupting, but show through eye contact, head nodding, and facial expressions that you are listening. Allow the other person to finish what he or she is saying without jumping in — or jumping to a conclusion.
- Listen to find common ground. Try to look for points of agreement, rather than disagreement.
- Focus on positive interaction. It typically takes five positives to overcome one negative.
- Listen reflectively. Try paraphrasing what you have heard. This not only lets your partner know you’re listening, but it can help clarify misunderstandings. Consider your response before speaking, rather than blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.
- Be aware of non-verbals. Non-verbals can carry more weight than words. Looking away when a spouse or partner is talking to you or walking out of a room in the middle of a conversation are examples.
- Be willing to compromise. If personal spending from a joint account is becoming an issue, develop a budget in which each spouse or partner has a personal allowance that is his or her money to save or spend as he or she wishes.
- Be respectful — and appreciative. If both parties are tired, say “thank you” to the one who volunteers to go to the grocery store, fix a meal, or make life easier to ease the stress.
- Make “No Needling” the rule — not doing anything intentionally to irritate the other person. Be aware that sarcasm and putdowns can erode a relationship. Humor can break the ice, but it’s best to make fun of yourself, rather than another.
- Be spontaneous, particularly in making everyday opportunities enjoyable — and fun.
For more information on healthy relationships whether you’re dating, married, engaged, or even divorced, check out http://smartcouples.ifas.ufl.edu/.
by Heidi Copeland | Jan 29, 2013
Family traditions bind us together.
According to the Free Merriam-Webster On-line Dictionary, there are countless definitions of family. Perhaps, one definition that most could agree on is that a family is a group of people united by certain convictions or a common connection.
Don’t let the pressures of this hectic and ever-changing holiday season (or any of life’s changes for that matter) affect a positive family balance. Try to make the most of your family relationships and build meaningful traditions. Traditions are the glue, the true and lasting bond that unite families with a sense of belonging, continuity, and routine that family members can depend on year after year, generation after generation.
If you don’t have any family traditions…don’t get overwhelmed.
Suzanna Smith, Associate Professor, Human Development and Family Life, Department of Family, Youth, and Community Sciences, University of Florida, provides a great publication that lists characteristics that build strong and resilient families. (Publication #FCS2057)
Listed are her ideas plus an example to get you started.
1. Focus on commitment to each other. Committed families provide a sense of safety and security that say we belong. Designate time exclusively for family.
2. Respect values, physical, spiritual, and emotional wellness. A family environment is complex and involves many factors. As a family, decide what to do to help promote your family values. Board games anyone?
3. Encourage effective family communication. Practice positive speaking. Communication is not just talking. Practice a flexible approach to listening, talking, and reacting. Positive speaking focuses on the things we value most. Example…. “I love that you are a considerate person.”
4. Promote appreciation of all family members. Celebrate the wonderful qualities of those people you care about most. In the words of Mother Teresa, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”
5. Providing meaningful and sufficient time together. An effective way to build the skill of time together is to learn to share stories about your family. These stories can be a means of conveying the caring and tradition of your family system. Try eating family meals together, without distraction, as often as possible.
6. Offering effective strategies to deal with stress. Learn to recognize the signs of tension and do something positive to deal with it. Physical activity of any kind is shown to work wonders here. Go for a walk, get up and stretch, or just remove yourself from the situation.
Make time this season to review or build some new, strong, and resilient family traditions of your own. And remember, there are no rules and there is no “right” way to do this. Building family strengths (traditions) helps families solve problems, adapt to change, and have fun!
For more information, visit EDIS – the Electronic Data Information Source of UF/IFAS Extension, a collection of information on topics relevant to you. http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/departments/fycs.html
