by Heidi Copeland | Jan 29, 2013
Family traditions bind us together.
According to the Free Merriam-Webster On-line Dictionary, there are countless definitions of family. Perhaps, one definition that most could agree on is that a family is a group of people united by certain convictions or a common connection.
Don’t let the pressures of this hectic and ever-changing holiday season (or any of life’s changes for that matter) affect a positive family balance. Try to make the most of your family relationships and build meaningful traditions. Traditions are the glue, the true and lasting bond that unite families with a sense of belonging, continuity, and routine that family members can depend on year after year, generation after generation.
If you don’t have any family traditions…don’t get overwhelmed.
Suzanna Smith, Associate Professor, Human Development and Family Life, Department of Family, Youth, and Community Sciences, University of Florida, provides a great publication that lists characteristics that build strong and resilient families. (Publication #FCS2057)
Listed are her ideas plus an example to get you started.
1. Focus on commitment to each other. Committed families provide a sense of safety and security that say we belong. Designate time exclusively for family.
2. Respect values, physical, spiritual, and emotional wellness. A family environment is complex and involves many factors. As a family, decide what to do to help promote your family values. Board games anyone?
3. Encourage effective family communication. Practice positive speaking. Communication is not just talking. Practice a flexible approach to listening, talking, and reacting. Positive speaking focuses on the things we value most. Example…. “I love that you are a considerate person.”
4. Promote appreciation of all family members. Celebrate the wonderful qualities of those people you care about most. In the words of Mother Teresa, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”
5. Providing meaningful and sufficient time together. An effective way to build the skill of time together is to learn to share stories about your family. These stories can be a means of conveying the caring and tradition of your family system. Try eating family meals together, without distraction, as often as possible.
6. Offering effective strategies to deal with stress. Learn to recognize the signs of tension and do something positive to deal with it. Physical activity of any kind is shown to work wonders here. Go for a walk, get up and stretch, or just remove yourself from the situation.
Make time this season to review or build some new, strong, and resilient family traditions of your own. And remember, there are no rules and there is no “right” way to do this. Building family strengths (traditions) helps families solve problems, adapt to change, and have fun!
For more information, visit EDIS – the Electronic Data Information Source of UF/IFAS Extension, a collection of information on topics relevant to you. http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/departments/fycs.html
by Monica Brinkley | Apr 26, 2012
As I begin to age, I am finding that many of my co-workers, friends and I are dealing with aging parents. Often times, it is trying and difficult to communicate with aging family and friends. Hopefully, this article with give you some tips that will make talking with older adults just a little easier.
Three simple words can help you talk to the older adults in your life: stop, look, and listen. These words are important when you are in everyday conversation. But they are even more important when you are trying to solve a problem or get essential information. It only takes a little time to stop, look, and listen. When you do, you will quickly find that you will feel less stressed. Also, your older friend or family member will feel less frustrated and more understood.
Stop what you are doing and focus on your conversation. Of course, we talk to each other while we are doing other things. Talking while we do the dishes or drive the car is normal. Those are good times to talk about the weather, folks we visited with last weekend, or how cute our grandchildren are. But it’s different when we want to talk about something important. When we want to ask about a problem or be sure someone understands, we must stop, look, and listen. When we don’t stop what we are doing, our older friend or family member may not hear or understand us. We also may miss important nonverbal messages they are sending. For example, while coming out of the doctor’s office, you may quickly ask what the doctor said, but you also may be thinking about what you need at the grocery store. Take the time to stop and ask about the doctor’s comments before moving on. Focus on the appointment and ask for details while the information is fresh on your older family member’s mind.
Look at the older person when you are talking to them. Looking directly at a person lets them know we are paying attention and that we care about what they have to say. Because many older adults have some hearing loss, they hear better when they can look at the person who is talking. Without realizing it, most of us increase our hearing by reading lips. It is easier to read lips when the listener can clearly see the speaker’s face. So face the person you are talking to, avoid eating or drinking while you are talking, and be sure to speak in a strong, clear voice.
Listen with more than your ears. Listen for more than the words. Listen for unspoken messages. What is your older relative or friend telling you with his or her body language? Listen for the person’s tone of voice—is he or she angry, sad, scared, or excited? Listen for the message you see in the older adult’s face or posture. Listen with your ears, your eyes, your mind, and your heart.
Three simple words can prevent many misunderstandings. When we stop, look, and listen, we are showing our older relative or friend that we not only care, but also want to understand and to help. These three simple words are just the start of better communication.
Source: Stop, Look, and Listen: Tips for Talking to Older Adults, Carolyn S. Wilken, associate professor, Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Florida Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida. Please visit the EDIS Web site at http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu.
