As the holiday season quickly approaches, many people are filled with extra holiday cheer and enthusiasm. Some are jolly, but still overwhelmed with all of the activities, decorating, and shopping that needs to be completed. Then, there are those that find the holiday season as a reminder of things such as, the death of a loved one, family feuds, divorce, and the list goes on. If you are feeling this way here are a few tips to make getting through the season a little bit easier.
1. Feel your emotions – Many people want to suppress their sadness or anxiety, but this only makes it worse. We are all allowed to grieve, cry and feel mad at times. If you feel this way, let yourself feel your feelings. You will feel better once you have accepted and worked through the emotions. You also do not have to force yourself to feel happy just because it is the holiday season.
2. Reach out to others – Instead of secluding yourself spend time with others, whether it is at church, a community group or with family and friends. Spending time with others and socializing is good for the spirit. In addition, there are tons of volunteer opportunities during the holidays. Try something new and volunteer your time to a worthy cause. You will feel great about helping others and contributing to the cause. Research such as this one conducted by UnitedHealth Group commissioned a national survey of 3,351 adults and found that the majority of participants reported feeling mentally and physically healthier after a volunteer experience. The research showed:
- 96% reported that volunteering enriched their sense of purpose in life
- 94% of people who volunteered in the last twelve months said that volunteering improved their mood
- 80% of them feel like they have control over their health
- 78% of them said that volunteering lowered their stress levels
- 76% of people who volunteered in the last twelve months said that volunteering has made them feel healthier
- About a quarter of them reported that their volunteer work has helped them manage a chronic illness by keeping them active and taking their minds off of their own problems
- Volunteering also improved their mood and self-esteem
3. Be realistic – Realize that times and traditions change as families grow and age. Do not focus on everything having to be the same every year. Be willing to accept changes, such as adult children may not be able to attend the family gathering, so utilize technology and talk through video conferencing, share pictures on email and/or Facebook. Find a way to make it work.
4. Set aside differences for everyone’s sake. Aim to accept family and friends the way they are, even if they do not meet your expectations. Leave grievances at the door for the day and enjoy your family and friends. Share those grievances and talk at a more appropriate and private time. Also, remember they could be feeling the stress of the holiday too. So, be patient if someone is grouchy or sad as you celebrate. You may both be feeling the same way.
5. Learn to say no – Be realistic in the number of activities you and your family can participate. Do not feel guilty because you cannot attend every party and event you are invited too. Graciously decline an invite and share that your schedule is booked, but thank them for thinking of you. A host does not expect that everyone will attend their parties.
6. Take a breather as needed – If you start to feel overwhelmed with anxiety, anger or sadness take a few minutes to be alone. Take 15 minutes to spend in the quiet to reduce the stress and clear your mind. For example: listen to soothing music, do a few mindful breathing exercises to slow yourself down or read a book to temporarily escape the stress.
7.Seek professional help as needed – there are times when the emotions are just too overwhelming to sort through on our own. If you continue to feel sad, anxious, angry, etc. there is absolutely no shame in seeking the help of a doctor or mental health professional. It will only help you work through your feelings with a non-bias person. Helping yourself feel better will improve your quality of life and those around you.
Do not let the idea of the holidays turn you into a modern day Ebenezer Scrooge. Learn to take care of yourself first. Learn your limitations and accept them. Do not let others’ expectations overwhelm you. Just remember when you start feeling extreme levels of emotions and/or stress take a few deep breathes and remind yourself to relax and feel the moment. Be mindful of your surroundings and remind yourself of your many blessings, even when going through difficult times. Make it your personal goal to feel your feelings and enjoy what you can about the holiday season, whether it is the twinkling lights, time with friends and family, the food or any of the many special holiday traditions.
Aim to find JOY during this holiday season.
Stress, depression and the holidays: Tips for coping. www.mayoclinic.org,
Signs and Symptoms of Depression http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/pdffiles/FY/FY10000.pdf
Depression and Older Adults http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/pdffiles/FY/FY95200.pdf
Photo source: Dorothy Lee
Tis the Season Merry and Bright:
From Thanksgiving to New Year’s Eve there are greater incidences of stress and tension related headaches and migraines. Family stresses, long shopping lines, and unrealistic expectations are enough to trigger tension headaches even in people who are not headache prone. To avoid these aches and pains a strategic plan may be necessary.
Planning is crucial not only at the holidays but throughout the year. Having a plan and being organized makes everything easier and more manageable. The key is to start early and don’t wait until December. This is where Christmas in July becomes useful thinking.
The following are some tips to help avoid stress during the holiday season. Make a schedule that includes all tasks you have to complete, how long you think each task will take, and when each task needs to be completed. This is why Santa makes a list and checks it twice.
- Start shopping early to reduce time wasted in long lines with early-bird hour sales
- To avoid long period of times wrapping, shop in stores where gift wrap is free
- Shop on-line while drinking your coffee in your pajamas
- Track your purchases in a notebook or in note section of your cell phone
- Prioritize your social events and don’t spread yourself too thin
- Use your computer for online postal mailing to avoid lines at the post office
- Instead of mailing gifts, order gifts on-line, and have gifts directly sent to gift recipient
- Practice relaxation and stretching to reduce stress
- Establish a spending limit and stick to it
Be realistic about how much you can do as nobody likes a cranky Santa. By following these tips, you will be as jolly as old Saint Nick.
Enjoy the holiday season with family and friends as it is the greatest gift you can give yourself. And remember, laugher is the best medicine for stress!
It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year… for Criminals, Thieves and Scammers
Photo source: UF/IFAS Northwest District
This holiday season scammers and identity thieves are hoping to take advantage of shoppers who may be too preoccupied with travel, gift-buying, and festivities to notice. Therefore, during the holidays, it is even more important to remain vigilant while shopping in stores or online.
More people are turning to online shopping for their holiday gifts. The National Retail Federation forecasts consumers to spend about $721 billion this holiday season. However, this increase in online spending comes with a greater risk for thieves to steal your money or your identity.
Here are some common holiday scams and how to protect yourself from becoming a victim:
Deals That Are Too Good to Be True –while shopping online keep the old adage in mind, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is”. During the holidays, shoppers are looking for huge deals, and scammers know it. These thieves often set up websites that appear to be legitimate, just to steal your personal information and/or to download a virus onto your computer.
It is important to make sure any site in which you shop contains an HTTPS security designation. Another simple way to know if the website is authentic is to look for the padlock symbol that appears in the address bar of the retailer. Here is an example of an Amazon online address bar.
Holiday Phishing Scams – Around the holidays, beware of emails pretending to be sent from familiar companies like FedEx or UPS. These emails claim to provide links for package tracking information. These links, once clicked on, will either steal your personal information or download a virus onto your computer. Remember, if you receive an email from someone you don’t know or weren’t expecting an email from, you should never click on links. Also, make sure you are using current antivirus software on your computer.
Identity Theft and ATM Skimmers –
In Store Shopping:
- Being vigilant is key to protecting yourself during the holiday season. Thieves target shoppers who are either struggling with packages and bags or those who are unaware of their surroundings. Thieves see this as an opportunity to steal your wallet or credit card numbers.
- When using an ATM or other key pads, make sure to check for skimming devices that thieves install on ATMs and other card readers. These skimmers are placed over the existing key pad in order to access your account. It is also advised to cover the keypad when entering your pin number while purchasing items or getting money from an ATM
- After each purchase, take time to put your credit card back into your wallet. Also, it may be worthwhile to purchase an RFID-blocking wallet. These wallets are designed to shield your credit card information from RFID readers and skimmers..
- When shopping online, experts advise consumers to use credit cards instead of debit cards. In case of fraud, both payments types can be disputed, however debit card payments are automatically deducted from your bank account. Therefore, it may take longer to get your money back.
Gift Cards– Gift cards are a great idea for people on our shopping list. However, a record number of retail stores are closing their doors, so you should consider the retailer’s financial situation before buying a gift card. If the retailer closes or declares bankruptcy, the recipient may not be able to use the gift card.
Package Delivery Theft- Having packages delivered to our homes makes us a target for thieves who case neighborhoods and even follow delivery trucks looking for packages sitting on porches. There are ways to prevent this from happening to you. You can have your packages delivered to their office, a local pick-up area, like a UPS Store or try to schedule delivery times when someone will be home, if possible. Online shoppers can also set up tracking notifications, to know when an item is delivered.
Charitable Giving Tips – Give to charities wisely. At this time of year, we all want to give to charities that pull on our heart strings. But beware of giving money to charities that are fake or irresponsible. Do your research to make sure to support the many legitimate and deserving charities that can use our help during the holidays.
The 2018 Consumer Protection Guide – This guide provides more information about protecting yourself as a consumer, including online identity theft, charity scams, item recalls and more.
The holiday season brings out the best and worst in people. Therefore, you should be vigilant because the holidays are a lucrative time of year for thieves and scammers who are trying their hardest to get into your bank account.
For more tips on how to keep your identity safe and avoid holiday scams, contact Laurie Osgood, UF/IFAS Extension, Gadsden County at Osgoodlb@ufl.edu or call (850) 875-7255.
The holidays are a wonderful time and for some families, it may be the only time everyone is together.
Having multiple generations together can make the holidays an ideal time to have some estate planning discussions.
Estate Planning Photo source: Julianne Shoup
Too often, family members are hesitant to talk about estate planning and they never form a plan. There’s no one way to start this conversation, but one way to bring it up is to refer to materials you have read recently or another family you may know who is going through the estate planning process.
Bringing Up Estate Planning
You could say, “Do you know so and so, their parents passed away recently and they have had so many problems because they didn’t have a plan in place. I think we should sit down and talk about some of those things so that doesn’t happen to our family.” Or, “I was reading an article about estate planning the other day and how important it is to talk about it with your family and create a plan. I think I’d like to sit down and talk with you all while you’re here for the holidays.”
Tips for Smooth Conversations
If you choose to start these conversations, remember estate planning can be a sensitive topic for all generations involved. Below are some tips on communicating and dealing with conflict from the University of Minnesota Extension.
Remember to be a good listener, listening for meanings and feelings behind words.
Respect the views of others. Even if you can’t agree, you can still show sensitivity and respect for each other’s feelings.
Try to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to convey feelings. It’s important to express feelings, but try to do so in a way that does not place blame.
If conflict arises, try to discuss and clarify the problem and make a commitment to work toward a solution.
Remember to focus on why you are having conversations about estate planning. Having a plan helps prevent conflict down the road, helps create a smoother transition to the next generation, and will help give you peace of mind.
Passing On Personal Belongings
One aspect of estate planning that can be overlooked is passing on family heirlooms. Grandparents can often be surprised by what has meaning for their children or grandchildren if they have never talked about it. The holidays can be a great time to have discussions with family members about what items are special to them, if there are family stories behind items, and how certain items can be distributed either before or after the death of a family member.
Many times grandparents may choose to pass items on while they can still enjoy giving those items to the next generation. Another method is to create a list of items and use a personal property memorandum attached to your will. There are many ways to deal with personal property and each way has advantages and disadvantages, but establishing what your goals are and getting the process started are key.
For more information….
For more information on transferring heirlooms, the University of Minnesota has resources online and a workbook available to order to help you through the process: https://extension.umn.edu/transferring-property/transferring-non-titled-property
Or you can watch this K-State Research and Extension Ed Talk.
FCS Dine In Day December 3
Is your busy, busy life making it difficult to spend time eating a meal at home with your family? Research tells us families are healthier in so many ways when they eat at home together. Maybe these favorite family meals from some of our readers will give you some inspiration.
My mother’s chicken cacciatore. She’s Italian and a great cook. She makes it with boneless chicken breasts, rice, sliced peppers, onions, tomatoes, and of course, garlic. It is so good and probably healthy. But maybe not, since I eat way too much of it. Friends and family come together on “Italian Night” to enjoy this and other Italian specialties. Molto delicioso. Rick W.
My favorite meal was always when my mom made homemade spaghetti sauce for pasta. Wow, that’s good stuff. When I brought my girlfriend home, it became one of her favorite meals too. Thanks mom! Alex H.
Father and son set the dinner table. Photo Source: Wendy Meredith
Home Away from Home Meal
My favorite family meal was pork chops, broccoli, mashed potatoes, rolls and sweet tea, because my son, (my first born), cooked his first meal in his first home away from home at the age of 21 and invited our family to dinner. He was always the one out of five children who liked to have everyone in the family sit at the dining room table together and enjoy a meal as often as possible. Our lives consisted of football, cheerleading, church events, ballet, gymnastics, soccer, school events, jobs, etc. Our family of seven was a very busy family and always running here and there, but somehow due to the persistency of our son, we managed to have one or two meals a week together as a family. I was a very happy and proud mom when I received the invite to have dinner that night. The food was delicious, but the fellowship during “My Favorite Family Meal” was something I will remember and cherish forever. Wendy M.
Let Them Eat Cake or Bread
Celebrations were very special in my family. Every year on my birthday, my grandmother would always cook my favorite food and bake my favorite cake (Red Velvet – Yum). When I was young I always thought it was about the food. But it was about so much more; we learned about manners and etiquette, and family coming together to share old traditions and make new ones. Whenever I see a red velvet cake or smell one baking, it brings back happy memories. I’m transformed back to when I was a 10 year old girl. Dorothy L.
Growing up on a farm in Michigan, I’ve got a lot of good memories involving food! From making butter in a churn, to picking blackberries in the woods for Mom to make pie, to getting ripe tomatoes from the garden for a tasty bacon and tomato sandwich and many more. I consider myself very fortunate to have grown up knowing exactly where our food comes from!
A favorite and happy memory is Mom making bread on cold days, letting the loaves rise by the heat registers, then baking it in the oven. The whole house smelled like delicious bread. Once it was done, Mom would cut it while it was still warm and give us thick slices with warm, melting butter on it! Cheryl V.
December 3rd is Dine In Day. It’s a chance to make a commitment to have a meal at home with family. So, make the decision to eat with your family at home this December 3rd.
FCS Dine In Day
FCS Dine In Day December 3
What’s your favorite family meal? Is it an event like a picnic or Super Bowl Party? Is it reoccurring like Wednesday night church dinner? Maybe it’s an annual meal like Thanksgiving. Check out some of these special Thanksgiving meals, then think about a favorite meal for your family to share on Dine In Day.
What about Sweet Potatoes?
I think my favorite holiday meal story is from about 10 years ago when our oldest daughter was away at college. She asked me what we were going to have for Thanksgiving Dinner and as I went through the list she said, “what about sweet potatoes?” to which I answered “but you don’t like sweet potatoes”. Then she said, “No, I don’t, but I they’re supposed to be on the table at Thanksgiving”!
It’s such a tiny thing, but it touched my heart because it meant she had fond memories and that our family holiday dinners meant something to her! PS – now she loves sweet potatoes and serves them to her family all the time! Susan H.
My “Found” Family
Favorite Fall Things
Photo Source:: Angela Hinkle
My favorite family meal of the year is on Thanksgiving, with my “found” family in Bradenton. Especially now that I live in Tallahassee, taking the trip down there to spend a few days with my best friend and her crazy family is definitely a highlight. It’s even more special now since I don’t get to see her every day anymore. Plus? Turkey and deviled eggs! Yummy. Sam K.
Memory We Will Always Cherish
My favorite meal happened 6 years ago during Thanksgiving. It was the first year that I hosted my own Thanksgiving dinner and my husband and I invited everyone we knew- family, friends, coworkers. We had 30 people share their holiday with us and we had so much fun. It was a lot of work and a lot of cooking, but it was so special to us. That day we were able to honor the ones we loved by hosting them and sharing that experience. One day, we will do that again. But for now, it’s a great memory that we will always cherish. Christina W.
Imagining Warm and Cozy
One of my most memorable meals was Thanksgiving when I was in the 11th grade. My family decided to go camping in our pop-up camper for the weekend at a nice campground in central Florida. In keeping with the season, a cold front passed through that weekend, dropping the temperature significantly. Our little camper did not have a heater, so we shivered in our bunks and scurried to the central bathhouse, passing motor homes and travel trailers with condensation on the windows, imagining how warm and cozy their occupants must be. Despite the frigid temperatures, we enjoyed a campground-wide Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings in the community room. We made fond memories of the weekend, which we still laugh about, and are thankful for a warm house and the comforts and conveniences of home to enjoy the holiday and everyday meals with family and friends. Judy C.
FCS Dine In Day
December 3rd is Dine In Day. It’s a chance to make a commitment to have a meal at home with family. Research tells us families are healthier in so many ways when they eat at home together. So, make the decision to eat with your family at home this December 3rd. Maybe you can tell us about your favorite family meal or be inspired to make new ones – for Thanksgiving or any time of year.