Friday Funny: Football Rivalry Insults

Coach these two guys should never sit together, especially when we go on the road!

In honor of the opening weekend of College Football I thought I would share some of my favorite rivalry insults to share with your friends who root for the wrong team. Don’t take offense, just change the highlighted school to fit your needs.

How is the Vanderbilt football team like an opossum?
…They play dead at home and get killed on the road!

How do you get a former Auburn football player off your porch?
…Pay him for the pizza!

How can you tell if a Mississippi State football player has a girlfriend?
…There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck!

What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
…Will the defendant please rise!

How many freshman Georgia football players does it take to change a light bulb?
…None. That’s a sophomore course!

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
…So they can wear the same shirt for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and roadsides picking up trash on Monday!

What does the average Alabama player get on his SAT entrance exam?
…Drool!

What do you get when you put 16 Louisiana State cheerleaders in one room?
…A full set of teeth.

If three Miami football players are in the same car, who is driving?
…The police officer!

All-time great quotes from losing coach interviews:

“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking either.”
John McKay / USC

“If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is got a great education.”
Murray Warmath / Minnesota

“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.”
Lou Holtz / Notre Dame

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If you enjoyed this week’s joke, you might also enjoy others from previous weeks: Friday Funny

Farm folks always enjoy sharing good jokes, photos and stories. If you have a good, clean joke, particularly one that pertains to agriculture, or a funny photo that you took on the farm, send it in and we will share it with our readers.

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Doug Mayo

Jackson County Extension Director, Livestock & Forage Agent, Lead Editor for Panhandle Ag e-News
demayo@ufl.edu - 850-482-9620
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