Old CattlemanFrom his favorite rocking chair on his front porch, a 95 year old cattleman shared words of wisdom with the grandson he chose to carry on the tradition of managing the family ranch. He told his grandson, “You can’t starve a profit out of a herd, but you can sure feed it to them!”  He also said, “Never stock based on capacity.  Always keep the ranch under-stocked, because you know droughts and floods will happen eventually, and  you don’t want to have to buy hay or feed when everyone else needs it too!”  Finally he told him, “Pretty heifers don’t make the best cows.  Keep records on every cow, and know the ones that make you the most money.  Those are the cows you want to keep heifers from!” 

He went on spouting out quotes he had heard repeatedly from his grandfather and father, so that the family tradition of excellent ranch management would continue.  Finally the young cowboy said, “But Granddaddy, you have not told me the most important thing. How is it that you have lived such a long, healthy, and productive life?”

The old man paused and took his grandson’s hand and said, “GUN POWDER!  Sprinkle a pinch of gun powder over your breakfast every morning!”  The young man responded, “But Granddaddy are you sure that really works?”  The old man said, “For three generations, every man that has run this ranch has lived well into their 90s with gun powder for breakfast!”

Several months later, when the old man died, he left behind a beautiful ranch, 10 children, 25 grandchildren, 60 great grandchildren, and …

a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be!



If you enjoyed this week’s joke, you might also enjoy others from previous weeks: Friday Funny

Farm folks always enjoy sharing good jokes, photos and stories.  If you have a good, clean joke, particularly one that pertains to agriculture, or a funny photo that you took on the farm, send it in and we will share it with our readers.

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Doug Mayo
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