Friday Funny: Market Reports

Farmers and ranchers always pay close attention to market reports, but are normally discouraged by them. Perhaps if the market reports were more fun, the bad news might be easier to take.

This Week’s Stock Market Summary

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent bulbs dimmed with light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. Cruise lines kept at an even keel. Towels dried up and then showered down. Coca Cola fizzled after heavy gains. Caterpillar stock inched up. Balloons were inflated. Batteries exploded after trying to recharge the market. Toilet paper touched bottom.

This Week’s Ag Market Summary

Hogs bogged down in a trough. Cattle trailed off. Chicken flew up to roost at new heights. Eggs cracked up, but then slipped off. Milk was fluid, cheese was firm, and butter churned up and down. Hay rolled up, and then soured in a storm. Corn popped early, but flaked off through the week. Cotton was soft all week. Peanuts, came out of their shell last week, and were boiling this week. Beans went down easy, but then rattled up through the end.

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If you enjoyed this week’s joke, you might also enjoy others from previous weeks: Friday Funnies

Farm folks always enjoy sharing good jokes, photos and stories. If you have a good, clean joke, particularly one that pertains to agriculture, or a funny photo that you took on the farm, send it in and we will share it with our readers.

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Doug Mayo

Jackson County Extension Director, Livestock & Forage Agent, Lead Editor for Panhandle Ag e-News
demayo@ufl.edu - 850-482-9620
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