Research shows that 20-40% of children are bullied in some way. Whether bullying is verbal, physical, or done online it is a very real problem that can happen in any school, even among young school-age children. A safe and secure environment is key for the Essential Element of Belonging, one of the foundations of 4-H positive youth development. Being educated about what bullying is, knowing how to spot the signs of bullying, and learning what to do if your child is affected by this behavior can help parents address bullying if and when it happens.
How to recognize bullying- Bullying can take several forms. It can be observable or secretive behavior.
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Left unaddressed, bullying can cause depression and lasting psychological damage to the victim. It can result in poor attendance or psychosomatic illnesses. Violence can escalate into serious property damage, and injuries to students and adults. Bullying at school also affects others who are not involved directly but who simply witness or are aware of mistreatment of another student. These students may suffer from fear and concern about their schoolmate who is targeted. They may feel guilt but also may fear the bully so much that they do nothing to help. Worse, they may become offenders themselves because they fear the perpetrator will target them.
Bullies tend to seek out victims who:
- Are unable to defend themselves.
- Have little social support, or few friends.
- Are not involved in extra-curricular activities.
- Are low achievers in academics or sports.
- Are not popular or focused on by adults in the school.
- Have less developed social skills.
- Have difficulty communicating.
- Have low-self esteem or are unassertive.
Know the warning signs of bullying- It is not uncommon for a child who may be the victim of school bullying to be reluctant to tell his or her parents out of shame or fear. Children fear that the adults will not be able to help them or that they may make the situation worse. They may also believe the bully will retaliate against them or their friends. If you suspect that your child may be a target of school bullying, look for these signs:
- Sadness, anxiety, difficulty sleeping or eating, temper or emotional outbursts, picking on younger siblings.
- Unexplained bruises, cuts, or damaged clothing or school supplies.
- Fear of school, not wanting to go to school, or sudden drop in school performance.
- Dislike of recess and avoidance of unsupervised school areas such as the bathroom, despite the need to go.
- Withdrawal from friends and family, fear of parent communication with teachers.
- Complaints of physical problems without a medical reason.
- Any abrupt behavior change or sudden lack of self-esteem.
What Parents Can Do to Prevent and Stop Bullying –Parents are the key to preventing and stopping bullying. Here are a few ways that parents can help respond to bullying.
Stay connected with your child. The more you know about your child’s friends and their interactions with classmates and peers, the more likely you are to spot any changes in their social circle. Talk with your child every day about specifics at school and extracurricular activities such as what the best or worst part of their day was. This is also an important way to establish good communication with your child so that they can come to you when they have a problem.
Explain to your child what bullying is. Children understand that hitting or pushing another child is wrong, but you can also explain that other forms of bullying, such as excluding or ignoring someone, can also be hurtful.
Tell children what to do in case they experience or witnesses bullying. Talk with your child about the basics of what to do if they encounter hurtful behavior directed toward them or someone else. Tell your child to alert a teacher right away if they see or are subject to bullying behavior, and that it is important to stop someone from getting hurt.
Teach a child the importance of empathy. Research has shown that emotional intelligence and empathy skills may be even more important for success in life than intellectual intelligence. A child who is able to understand what it may feel like to be bullied and can understand and regulate their own emotions is less likely to engage in that kind of behavior.
Set a good example. Do you ever make fun of other people or gossip about others in front of your child? Have you ever spoken rudely to a waiter at a restaurant or to a store clerk in a shop? Even if you think your children are not listening or observing your behavior, the fact is that kids learn a lot about how to conduct themselves from watching their parents.
Talk to your school about what programs are being used to deter bullying. If you suspect that your child may be the victim of school bullying, talk to your child’s teacher about your concerns. Ask the teacher to watch out for problems and notify the school principal and counselor about your concerns as well.
As parents and volunteers, it’s our job to provide youth with a safe environment where they can learn and grow. For more resources about bullying, contact your local UF IFAS Extension Office, or download some of our other resources:
Bullying and Children with Disabilities
Bullying Related to Lack of Time with Dad
Parent’s Role in Bullying Behavior
Teens and Sexual Harassment: Making a Difference
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