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Friday Funny: You Might be a Farmer

Wednesday, October 12th was National Farmer Day, an annual day set aside to pay tribute to the 2% of Americans that feed the other 98% of us. National Fill In Blank Day has been made very popular with social media as a neat way to draw attention to a meaningful causes.  If you missed it, you can check out all of the different things that have been posted this week using the hashtag:  #NationalFarmersDay for Facebook or #National FarmersDay for Twitter.

Back in 1993 Jeff Foxworthy, southern comedian, was made famous doing a stand up comedy routine called “ If you __________, You Might Be a Redneck?” that poked fun at crazy things rednecks from the south do that makes them stand out from the crowd.  This week’s Friday Funny is a humorous take on that idea that salutes unique things about farmers. Both of the photos below were actually taken this week at the Youth Fair in Jackson County.

if you have ever duct-tapped a pickle lid over the trailer wheel bearings as a dust cap to take your kids 4-H projects to the Fair, You might be a farmer? Photo credit: Doug Mayo

If you’ve  ever duct-tapped a pickle lid over the trailer wheel bearings as an emergency dust cap, so you could get our kids 4-H projects to the Fair, “You Might be a Farmer?” Photo credit: Doug Mayo

You Might Be a Farmer

  • If your dog spends more time each week riding in your truck than your wife does
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you’ve ever had to wash off your boots in the back yard with a garden hose, or strip down to your skivvies on the carport before your wife would let you in the house because of mud, manure or both
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If the 5-gallon buckets hydraulic oil comes in are almost as valuable a tool as the oil for feeding livestock or for portable parts or tool storage, and you’ve never-ever thrown one away that was not busted
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you’ve ever used baling twine or wire to attach a license plate, patch a fence, or to tie square-baled hay to the roof of your wife’s car
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate, and yields from farms you have rented the past three years, but cannot recall your wedding anniversary
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you’ve driven off the road while rubber-necking your neighbors crops or cattle
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you’ve used the same knife to castrate bull calves or pigs to cut up your steak at the dinner table or restaurant
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you have ever used duct-tape or a bandanna as a bandage for bleeding hands from barbed wire fence repairs
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you refer to land using the names of the farmers who owned them a generation ago
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If the equipment under your barn is 10 times more valuable than what is parked in your garage
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If buying new clothes and boots means your church clothes can now be used for work
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you have more hats for different occasions and outfits than shoes to choose from
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you’ve ever had to pull off the highway because stuff started flying off your dusty, cluttered dashboard because the windows were still rolled  down
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If your family becomes instantly silent when the weather comes on the news each night
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you can tell the difference between the smell of a skunk and the smell of a dairy
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If you can tell the difference between a bull and a heifer from a distance
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If family picnics are most commonly shared on the tailgate of a pickup truck during planting or harvest season
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If using an elevator relates to grain harvest rather than in a tall city building
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If regular social conversation with your closest friends at the local diner involves rainfall, equipment repairs, hybrids, or herbicides
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If your tractors and combines have working air conditioners, but your truck doesn’t
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If the biggest family vacation you have had in the last five years were the weeks spent at the Regional Fair with the 4-H or FFA steers, heifers, hogs, or horses
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • If spending time alone with your wife in the evening means she is holding the flashlight while you fix something
    • You Might be a Farmer?
  • And finally, if you won $1,000,000 from the lottery your life would not change that much. You’d keep right on farming, maybe with newer equipment and more land, but you’d keep farming because that is who you are and what you do
    • You Might be a Farmer?

I am sure you folks have some more ideas for this fun characterization of hard working farm life.  Use the comment section below to share more ideas for “If___________, You Might Be a Farmer?”

If you've ever tied hay bales to your wife's car to save a trip to town during Fair week, You might be a Farmer? Photo credit: Doug Mayo

If you’ve ever used hay string to tie square-baled hay to your wife’s car to save a trip to town during Fair week, “You might be a Farmer?” Photo credit: Doug Mayo

 

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If you enjoyed this week’s joke, you might also enjoy others from previous weeks: Friday Funnies

Farm folks always enjoy sharing good jokes, photos and stories.  If you have a good, clean joke, particularly one that pertains to agriculture, or a funny photo that you took on the farm, send it in and we will share it with our readers.

Email to:  Panhandle Ag Friday Funny

 

PG

Author: Doug Mayo - demayo@ufl.edu

Lead Editor for Panhandle Ag e-news - Jackson County Extension Director - Livestock & Forages Agent. My true expertise is with beef cattle and pasture management, but I can assist with information on other livestock species, as well as recreational fish ponds.
http://jackson.ifas.ufl.edu

Permanent link to this article: http://nwdistrict.ifas.ufl.edu/phag/2016/10/14/friday-funny-you-might-be-a-farmer/